I am trying to find my true self, who I want to be in this chaotic world. I live feeling as though I really don’t have much of a purpous, but eventually I am going to have to do something more significant with my life. It seems to come to others more easily and that is something I admire. Our minds are made up of a thousand different influences. I pick through to find what fits me the best. It seems to vary from day to day.

I am constantly analzying and dreaming of something better than is there.

Here in the middle of imagination, right in the middle of my head. I close my eyes and my room’s not my room, and my bed isn’t really my bed. I look inside and discover things that are sometimes strange and new, and the most remarkable thoughts i think have a way of being true. Here in the middle of imagination, right in the middle of my mind, I close my eyes and the night isn’t dark and the things that I lose I find. Time stands still and the night is clear and the wind is warm and fair, and the nicest place is the middle of imagination when i’m there.

I’m the girl that’ll make you laugh till you cry or piss your pants. Huge Pervert. I’ll be the life of your party, throw up on your floor, then get right back in there. I’m living my life like itll end tomorrow. Time isnt wasted when youre getting wasted. I’m the girl with her head in the clouds. But I’m serious at the same time, I’m constantly thinking about something and i’ll tell you about it, even if its completely irrelevant to what we were talking about before.

This is the part where I’m supposed to tell you who I am. The part where I tell you how intellectual, awesome, or amazing I am, in an attempt to try to tell strangers what I’m like without them judging me at first glance. Truthfully, judgments are made with a first glance, no matter how much a person can swear up and down they don’t judge and you can’t really know what a person is like in a couple paragraphs that no one takes the time to read. It’s a lost effort, but what other options do I have besides putting meaningless graphics and banners on my page besides a half attempted “about me”?
I might as well give it a try.

I am no more than a regular 20 year old trying to prove something of myself to my family and friends at the moment, and someday to the world. I am in all seriousness the epitome of a Small town girl who wants nothing more than to get out of the hick town she was born in and make something of herself in a big city. I’m starting to realize that no matter how much you stomp your foot, cry, or even yell over what life has thrown in your face, you just have to live with it and make it the best you can. It seems that you never get exactly what you want in life at the exact moment you want it, but if you wish, no matter how small of one it’ll come true at some point. Not by an act of god,  but an act of will.

I’m one of those people you can easily get attached to. Even if I try to stay far from attachment. I’m constantly told that I’m peoples “firsts”. Their first true friend; Their first true love; The first person to actually give a fuck. I may seem like that to everyone on the outside, but to be honest, I’m as selfish as I am selfless. I’m neutral ground. That’s all I want to be too, the person that people can rely on to not stab them in the back, no matter which side of the conflict they’re on. But also the person who doesn’t attach themselves to everyone they meet, just because things change and people change. I’ve learned to let go, to forgive but don’t forget, and to see people for who they really are instead of taking them for face value.

I’m still learning all of the life lessons we must all go through. Although mine may or may not be worse or better than yours, it’s all the same. Just in different extremities. Things always have a reason for happening, and you just have to let them happen. You fuck up in life to learn from your mistakes. I’d love to say that we live in a world of a new kind of enlightenment, where we accept people for themselves. But sadly we don’t. Gay couples still don’t have the same rights as straight couples; racism is still strong, abuse is common in almost every household, whether it be animal, spousal, or child abuse, verbal or physical. Girls are having sex younger and younger each year, getting pregnant and boys are becoming deadbeat dads. Its just wrong and disgusting.
To be honest, this is just a peek at what turmoil is rolling around in the lobes of my brain. If you want to know more, you’ll have to find out for yourself. Actually get to know me before you judge. I may or may not be as I described in this brief “about me” to you, but to others I am. There’s always more than one side to a story, and life is nothing more than one big story.
Care to read mine?